My 5 Second Struggle

Being “woke” is hard work. Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way complaining. But maybe I can add something to the conversation because I know my experience is not unique. So please hear me out.

Picking up on the changes that are increasing exponentially requires constant vigilance. As a straight white female, I was only exposed to white, Anglo-Saxon, straight, and protestant things. My only experiences were strictly cultivated by my wasp parents. The first rap I heard was on my “bad” cousin’s Walkman. The first music video I watched was Tha’ Crossroads at the hospital where I served as a Candy Striper. My first concert? Kirk Franklin. I absorbed things but questions were discouraged strongly. Violence and mental illness were forbidden discussion topics. Favorites were allowed and fostered. I was named after my “favorite aunt” and nearly worshiped her (but not idolize because of that commandment) until she shot a bird at my dad (GASP). I never looked at her the same after that. In other words, I was extremely sheltered, and I understand the right supremacists in ways that almost shame me. Notice, I said understand and not support or empathize.

My journey from sheltered WASP to advocate took many years and continues today. My circle is diverse and yet, not nearly big enough. The world is so complicated that the weight of empathy and awareness at times feels like a crushing weight; I look back at my years of ignorance with shame but also a twinge of envy. It was so EASY to walk through life being on top. If someone pulled out in front of me, I could blame THEM because they were always an OTHER, even if I had to delude myself. It was never my fault.

Now… I check to see if maybe I was at fault and if not, I consider the times I cut someone off because I was unfamiliar with the area and the lanes unexpectedly merged. That’s a lot of mental exercise to hold my temper while employing critical thinking skills. Being pissed at someone… easy-peasy. I know I still have work to do and am subject to blind spots. For example: I tried to make use a simile earlier but the correct words eluded me. Here’s what I originally typed:

The Coast Guard needs all the help they can get. We all know they are treated like the evil stepchildren of the military.

I deleted military and added armed forces. Then I thought about the word evil. As an atheist, I don’t believe in good vs. evil. So the word was deleted. Stepchildren presented a problem next. I know so many step families and almost all of them treat their step children or step grandchildren as their own and that would imply that the Department of Defense treats the Coast Guard well. Not true in the slightest. So I started over:

The Coast Guard needs all the help the can get. They’re treated like illegitimate children of the DoD.

Ha. Much better! But wait, what’s wrong with illegitimate children? Nothing. So, I gave up. I simply typed:

Yep. They need all the help they can get.

Ridiculous. I couldn’t come up with the right words, so I chose the easier way. My 5 second struggle is barely worth mentioning. I only hope to get a conversation going where we acknowledge that when discussing a facet of culture that you do not have intimate knowledge of, choosing the right words is hard. It should be okay to ask which word/phrase/title to use and not worry about being shamed. White people are scared y’all.

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