Super Secret Admirer
Middle School was rough! Both my sons are in middle school and long-ago memories have been resurfacing. Looking back, I do not like the pre-teen version of myself. She was very naive, had many negative influences, and was very angry and confused. Knowing the underlying causation of behavior does not lessen my shame. Here’s the story anyway
Time: 1998
Location: Middle School
Background: In 7th or 8th grade, boyfriends meant status. As a Jesus Freak, such worldly matters were beneath me. One of my best friends, however, was devastated when she still wouldn’t have a boyfriend in time for our Valentine's Day Dance.
Jenny’s tears and notes were too much to bear! Britney and I quickly hatched a plan to make Jenny feel better. We would write a series of notes complimenting Jenny on her looks and whatever else we thought was important at 12. Britney had received dozens of love letters so she knew what to write. My handwriting was chosen with the thought that Jenny wouldn’t recognize it and excitedly we wrote two notes by lunchtime.
The hours of waiting during class were excruciating! When she received the first note it was so exciting! The second note was delivered soon after but the next time I saw Jenny, she was not happy. When she figured out what we had done, she was pissed!
I was confused and looked to Britney for help. She denied her part and I was more confused. For years, the loss of their friendships bothered me but it’s only now that I understand.
As a very religious person, receiving secret notes without explanation was a perfectly logical idea. As a pre-teen, long-range planning was beyond my capabilities. As a sheltered child, investigating and asking questions had been discouraged. Thanks to attending 7 schools in 6 years, I had not learned the dirty politics of the schoolyard.
The reality is that I got played. Britney continued her shenanigans and was un-friended years later. Jenny and I lost touch- a deep divide never healed. Middle school teaches harsh lessons.
